The downside of being “Straight Forward”
Well, if you are the one who is known to speak your mind, then, this is for you. If you are the one who looks down on people who keep speaking bluntly, then this is for you too.
Lets say you are in a group discussion and everyone is voicing out their opinions on the topic and are being very vocal about what they think and you say what you feel. This, is being bold and speaking up and opening up on your say in the conversation. Not being straight forward. Suppose you are in a similar situation, talking about the company that is conducting the group discussion. The company is the point of discussion and you very well know that you’ll get brownie points for bringing out the highlights of the brand. Yet, you tell them about the amount of money they are wasting on their unsuccessful ventures — well, that, is being straightforward. Two things might happen : The person in charge might think what an arrogant fool you are and politely dismiss you while he was apparently cursing you in his mind. Or, he might think that it was great that you pointed out such an important aspect with bravery and you might end up getting the job. This, is however, only in business-like situations.
In real life, in relationships, or with people in general, being frank and honest comes with its perks. Frank people come across as rude, blunt, people who don’t know where to say what, honest, true and non-manipulative. Such a contrast. Often, people wonder if such people ever think before saying something. They should not have been thinking, right? Because they end up saying downright unfathomable things! Frank people don’t think — they over think. Overthinking ruins you. It ruins the situation, it twists things around, it makes you worry and makes things seem worse than it actually is. Yet, they tell you what they feel even in such a situation. And they can’t help it!
Sounds great. Everyone must love a frank person. Everyone should want to be one. Right? Haha. The world isn’t that easy. Not everyone feels comfortable around someone like that. Who would you personally prefer? Someone who says nice things about you, gives you hope even during hard situations, says you can always be great, sugar coats and is all lovey-dovey or someone who says blunt bad-ass things about you on your face, voices out your most embarrassing thoughts, tells you if you are below average if you actually are? Most would prefer the former. We all live with the objective of being happy. People want positivity. We all want to hear what we think everyone should say. And so, when someone of that sort comes along, we easily replace that one person who prides himself on being up-front with this “nicer” person.
But isn’t it genuinely nice to be someone who is synonymous with honestly? Won’t we know that to get an actual picture of where we stand we can actually seek out that one person? Isn’t it better to have an enemy who honestly says they hate you than a friend who is secretly smirking behind your back? Isn’t honesty the basis for any strong relationship? What is wrong about projecting the true person you are? Shouldn’t everyone immensely respect you for your truth?
Well, there are two kinds of advice : The kind your should keep to yourself and the kind that you shouldn’t give, but you give anyway. On one hand, there are people who can handle this truth, and then there are those who are terrified of it. Yes, people do come to you at some point to know what you think, and actually do value your honesty, but, that’s it. They don’t want your company but just your opinion. If you go on speaking your mind to the latter, you seem complex, you are the one they are afraid of, you are the one they want to run away from, because you are capable of creating a better version of them and worse, you are capable of destroying their current version as, you can easily ball up the truth about them and throw it on their face and they can never digest that!
You end up with less people. As simple as that. You may get a lot of enemies, but never a fake friend. At the same time, the number of friends you have can be counted by a one year old.
Not everyone finds honesty to be a necessity. Not everyone wants to complicate what they think they are. Not everyone wants to build a conversation around what disagrees with their perspective. Chandler, from F.R.I.E.N.D.S says “It is better to lie than to have a complicated conversation” and people swear by that.
People think you are attention seeking. Why would someone not want to gel in with everyone and stand out because, they want to be different? If you want to be different from what we all are, does that mean that you are looking down on what I am? — are the typical questions. And some people are outspoken exactly for that purpose. In general, nobody likes the one that’s weird, the one that’s different.
You start losing respect. Sadly, yes. You can genuinely say how much you appreciate someone’s work. You can be brash and shameless about how much you like someone. You can tell someone on the face that you find them attractive. But you are sometimes uncomfortable to be with. Because everyone is afraid that when they are with you, some aspect of their’s might surface, which they have been conveniently brushing under the carpet. So, you come across as that one person who simply has an opinion on anything and they deliberately stop taking you seriously.
Ultimately, life is all about survival of the fittest. We need to be someone who is malleable, someone who is able to camouflage at times and stand out at others. We need to be an amalgamation of sugar-coating and politely and smartly speaking our mind. And honesty, is a choice. But there is a difference between being honest and being brutally honest. Brutal honesty is when you are meeting your Professor who makes a joke about the kind of students he encounters and you end up saying “You are racist, condescending, have an alter-ego, insecure about us becoming better than you, extremely judgmental and you’d rather shut up!”. A silent smirk is better than saying this although this is exactly what you think!
At the end of the day, it’s your choice. Sometimes, silence is better than honesty although you’d love to voice out exactly what you are thinking, and I, have learnt it the hard way.
(P.S : Does’t mean I am implementing it! :P)
All we need to learn is be smartly straightforward and that is the way of life.
